There was stuff in there about adapting it for necromancy and raising a horde of zombies, although I don't know if that was Mammon's aim. I think he wanted absolute obedience, the sort where you need to be reminded to eat and breathe if not for him. The fucked up thing is Lucifer let this happen. He must know about the spell, and he's not doing a fucking thing to help.
[ The anger pools in his chest. Hot. Black. And then it dies when he remembers he and Yennefer have a plan if all else fails. Tech exhales, looking toward Wuxian and slowly getting up. He needs comfort, probably. And Tech knows Wuxian's not going to like blast him away with magic or anything, so he goes over and rests his hand on his friend's shoulder. ]
Yennefer and I are looking into it, though. We're gonna find a fix because if our overlords won't do shit, it's up to us. I can send you a translated copy of the spell if you wanna read over it all for yourself.
You do realize that my entire former life was a big lesson in necromancy, right? It seems only fitting that it should come and haunt me in this one.
[Not that he wants to be a zombie...in his memories he is the one controlling the zombies. But things do seem to be coming full circle.]
Mammon should realize that having people completely devoted in that way is boring. It's more fun when people can be creative. But regardless...it doesn't surprise me that Lucifer doesn't care. Why would he?
[He looks up at Tech, glad that he at least seems to know someone who is going to try and get them out of all of this.]
I'm not sure I would understand it much but I guess it wouldn't hurt to know what it is that has a hold over me.
[ Tech nods and then there's a beep as the private, encrypted message rolls in on Wuxian's device. It's all the info as far as Tech's been able to translate. His fingers curl and squeeze his companion's shoulder. ]
Maybe it'll jog some memory of your superpowers or whatever. Maybe there's something you can do to help out? I don't know. I have ideas where to look. I know what needs looked into. But I don't have a clear solution on how to solve it. That will probably come after I gather enough info, but...if you got any ideas, please. I'm all ears.
[ Tech moves to the desk right in front of Wuxian, leaning against it so they can be face to face. ]
You helped me out of a rough patch at the beginning by helping me get control of my glitch, so I feel like I owe you. Big time. Do you know the other "bride?" What was his name....Mordecai? Is there anything useful he can bring to the table?
As far as I know I was just able to control zombies...not really try to not be one. I'm not sure what little I know how to do is going to be much help.
[And he isn't exactly interested in trying to recreate the spell and lose even more of his soul. But maybe one of the people from his memories that are here might have some further insight...]
I'm pretty sure my way of helping you was a lot more fun then whatever you will have to do to help me. And Mordecai...you mean my former fake brother? Pretty sure he is unsure how to deal with all of this as I am.
Well, it's all about pooling resources. We might not know what to do with that shit yet, but...we'll get there.
[ He reaches out, planting his hands on either side of Wuxian's head so he can level him with a sincere expression. ]
I just need you thinking about it and if there's anything...anything at all you think will be helpful, you don't hesitate to let me know, alright?
[ Hands fall away and Tech pushes himself off the desk. ]
I'm sure you...probably wanna be alone with this.
[ At least Tech knows he would have wanted to be if he was on the receiving end of such information -- to properly digest, kick and scream...away from prying eyes. But maybe Wuxian's the opposite. Maybe he would prefer the company of someone else. So while Tech makes the motion to leave, he doesn't go quite yet -- letting Wuxian make the call. ]
[Wei Wuxian is a usually pretty laid back guy but this is a lot and it would almost be enough to make him lose it. But he also knows that destroying the office he has worked so hard to put together isn't going to do him any good.]
I think I mostly am read for a drink.
[A drink and if he can find a willing partner...a lot of sex to remind himself that even without half a soul he is still capable of living. He stands up, grateful that he now owns a club that has an ample supply of alcohol at least.]
I'm free to hang for a while if my company will help at all.
[ He stops beside the door, flashing a small smile toward Wuxian. ]
And I got a collection of drugs back in my room if that's the route you wanna take. Honestly, it's probably what I'd be doing if I was in your shoes.
[ But Tech doesn't necessarily have healthy coping mechanisms. So. ]
After everything with Hellburbia, I kinda spiraled for a while. Coming down from all of that love and acceptance was hard. Because it's not anything I'd ever known before, so it just made the world seem that much darker. Made worse by Loki porting out soon afterward. He was my dad in that place, but truthfully I kinda looked at him like a dad outside of it, too. Cheers to Hellburbia fucking us both up -- you way worse than me.
I understand that of course. First time I've ever had a family. Was kind of nice to have a mother, father and brother all at once. It was nice until the whole bride fiasco. Though...I have to say that winning a beauty pageant was an affirmation of all the things I already knew.
[He grins as he tries to keep it a little lighthearted. He might as well focus on the good and not the fact he has been lied to, his soul has been taken, and he has even more unhealthy obsessions then he had before.]
Drugs might not ever be the best of plans but...right now I could use the little extra pick me up.
[He stands up and heads to the door. He really would like to get black out drunk, have a lot of sex and prove to himself that even with half a soul he still can function fully. But for now...he'll take the drugs and some company.]
[ He offers Wuxian a faint smile, slightly sad. He sees the attempt at humor. Wuxian's never really been one to let things keep him down as far as Tech's seen, but he would totally understand if he let this keep him down. Still the attempt at levity is appreciated. ]
We could just stay here if you'd rather? Raid your bar and get you out of your head for a while.
[ He had said he could use a drink, so Tech is fine if they just drink. If Wuxian would prefer to drink rather than the intensity a high, it's totally cool. He's there for moral support -- whether that's to join him shot for shot or cut them some lines. ]
You can show me around the club and get up there and sing me a song. It might not be a bachelor party, but fuck, man. We'll have fun like it's one anyway.
You want the grand tour? Let's grab out first round of drinks then and I will take you around the place.
[Not that the club is particularly large but he has made sure that it had enough places where people could come and get away from anything Hell-like.]
I'll make you one of my specialty drinks. It was one of the specials back home but with a little added kick.
[Because Wei Wuxian has far too high an alcohol tolerance to settle for just the normal level. He leads Tech towards the bar. If the goal is to feel like his soul and life is still intact then he will do just that, in the place that he built with the friend who has been around far longer then most.]
[ He reaches the bar and drums his hands against the edge. ]
Show me what you got, dude.
[ And while Wuxian makes the drink, Tech takes a moment to look around and appreciate the aesthetic of the club. It's not all pulsing lights and loud music like club Penance, but it's nice in its own way. It suits Wuxian more. ]
I'll definitely have to bring Ava over this way sometime. I can't believe I still never got the chance to introduce you two. I mean, after the whole Hellburbia shit, you probably know what she looks like just from being in the same grade, but you never officially met.
[He starts to mix the drink, two of them so that they both can enjoy it. He makes them a little stronger then he normally would but this is hardly a normal day.]
Even if we had met, would we really have met? I mean...it's not like I would be meeting her. I'd just have met the alternate her.
[He pauses in his mixing as he realizes just how complicated all of this is and it causes him to laugh at the absurdity of it all.]
I suppose that is kind of the story of my whole life though...Meeting people from a version of myself that I've only known in dreams. Now i"m meeting versions of people who were part of a false life.
[He continues to mix things. His life is clearly not meant to be easy...]
No fucking kidding. How's it feel to have a million lives in your head? Feel any closer to just completely snapping?
[ He teases as he watches Wuxian mix up the drinks. Maybe someday he would be able to relate to Wuxian. Right now, it's only the fake memories -- but there are many lives locked away in his mind, forgotten and out of reach. Past incarnations of what technology had once been. Someday he would know fully who he is. Right now, he can only focus on who he can be in the moment. Wuxian's first and steadiest friend in this place. ]
You'll like her, though. Ava. She's goofy and fun. A bit like you. And here's where it dawns on me that I have a type. At least in terms of lasting relationships. We're still buds all these months later. I've been dating Ava for about six months now. I just met this other guy named Jaskier and he's quickly become one of my closest companions -- also fun-loving so he's probably here for the long haul. Guess there could be worse things to be attracted to.
It clearly means we are the best type. I'm not sure I would call myself goofy.
[He looks a little offended by that but he is only joking as he slides Tech's drink over to him.]
A new closest companion? You better not be trying to replace me. My mouth worked hard to become your best bud.
[So did a few other parts of him since his and Tech's relationship was not always strictly hands off and platonic. Which makes him wonder how many others have started off like that and if that is truly the key to being someone who sticks around Tech.]
[ He laughs, holding up his hands at Wuxian's playful offense -- as though to say he didn't mean anything by it. But his hand wraps around the drink and he brings it to his lips, having a taste. Hm. Not bad. He nods his approval. ]
Your mouth isn't the reason you're there, dude. I mean, good as it is...it's not all that's good about you. I like talking to you. We got each others backs. And you absolutely haven't fucked me over. Plus, you gave me that name. Suibian. You're like one of the only people here who gave me something like that -- something with meaning.
[ Because even if the translation for it is basically whatever, it means something to Wuxian. And it gave them a bond -- something just for them. ]
The thing with Jaskier isn't sexual either. He hasn't given me any kind of name, but he is helping me define myself. Because for as much cockiness or arrogance as I have, it's something I've never been able to do on my own -- be who I wanna be.
[ He flashes a quick smile and raises his glass. ]
But enough about me. Who are you banging these days? Anyone interesting?
Ah you still remember the name. I'm honored. [He grins as he brings his glass to his lips, taking a nice long sip from it. Every time he gets to enjoy the drink it makes him feel like he is home. It seems like forever ago that he gave Tech the name Suibian. He considers it a good name and is an important name to him considering the past he is connected to and importance of the sword that also has that name. And there aren't that many people here who would know what it means.]
I have not had sex in...
[He pauses, as if he is counting back to the last time he did actually get to have a little fun. And he is drawing a very long blank as to who the last person was he slept with. His actual memory has never been the best...probably has a lot to do with how much drinking he does on an every day basis. But still it seems hard to believe he can't remember his own bedmates.]
Well lets just say its a dry spell. Never thought I would go weeks without having sex especially considering where I am but the last few months have been complicated. I guess the most interesting thing I've had happen in the last several months is this place...
[And that realization is going to cause him to take an even longer drink from the concoction he has created.]
[ He smiles as though to say he'd always remember. Being given such a thoughtful name isn't the sort of thing one forgets. But then Wuxian starts talking about a dry spell, and Tech lets out a quiet snort of amusement. There's a funny sort of irony that in this place of all places, anyone would ever run low on the sex unless they were willingly choosing it. Tech went without for four months until he and Ava finally hooked up on Valentine's Day. But that was partially by choice and partially because of Hellburbia. ]
Well shit, dude. We gotta try and hook you up with someone. Of course, the gal I wanted to send your way turned out to be your mom in Hellburbia so that gets fucking weird. But I know other people. It's just that some of them are varying degrees of crazy and do you really wanna stick your dick in crazy?
[ He purses his lips in thought. ]
My wife is pretty cool. Hazel. I mean, she's absolutely insane but the good kind. The DTF, makes it wild in bed kind.
I think I am going to stay away from anyone you try to hook me up with. The fact that I was soon related to the last person you suggested doesn't make me too anxious to have more help.
[There is a dark kind of irony in the fact that the person Tech wanted to hook him up with became his mother in an alternate life. He definitely didn't need some sort of twisted Oedipus complex. But at least they hadn't hooked up before because then things really would be awkward.]
So wait...I'm a little confused how you have a wife and a girlfriend. Why have I not heard about the wife before? Are you holding out on me?
It's not really any big story. Remember that shit back at Mammon's castle where he was drawing names out of a hat and making people get married? Hazel and I got called. Haven't really done anything about it because she's like my best gal pal and she gets along with Ava really well. But it's basically like we're not married at all with how much we do our own thing.
[ He shrugs, tipping his drink back. ]
But more than that, dude. You might say you don't want my help, but one of us is over here getting consistently laid so that's something to consider.
I managed to avoid getting married that time. I guess that is why I was caught up in it this time.
[He probably could have handled a marriage to another hotel guest much easier then his current predicament.]
Yeah well...I have the slight...devoted and attracted to Mammon thing I'm currently dealing with so I'm not exactly missing it at the moment. And the last thing I want is to go through with any of those crazy desires.
[Again...not his type no matter how much it seems like it whenever he is in the same room as the other man.]
I do find it interesting that you keep wanting to hook me up with women. No eligible bachelors in your circle?
Didn't figure you'd have too hard of a time finding a guy in this place that's down to fuck. I mean, most are. And I could point you toward a few. That guy I used to hook up with Seto Kaiba will basically fuck anything with a pulse.
[ Although the way Tech talks about him isn't very favorably. It's a distinct difference from the one time he elatedly told Wuxian about hooking up with Kaiba, even in spite of having cheated on his fiancee at the time with him. ]
But I don't know. I guess I'd like to less see you hooking up and more finding someone who makes you happy. Because in this fucking place? If I didn't have Ava, I think I would have lost my mind a million tortures ago. You at least got some people you trust that you can talk to about all the Mammon bullshit?
Well...there is that guy from my memories here now. [He pauses as he considers how strange it is to always encountering people from his dreams and having to explain why he knows them while...not knowing them.]
Not that anything has happened but it's...I don't know exactly but its a weird connection.
[Not a bad weird but it's like trying to wade through feelings of someone else that are still oddly familiar like he had them himself.]
Just seems pointless to try and be connected to anyone when people are constantly leaving...being redeemed. Whatever they want to call it.
[A lifetime of trust issues and making sure he never made those connections so that he wouldn't be disappointed.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2022-04-02 01:00 pm (UTC)From:[ The anger pools in his chest. Hot. Black. And then it dies when he remembers he and Yennefer have a plan if all else fails. Tech exhales, looking toward Wuxian and slowly getting up. He needs comfort, probably. And Tech knows Wuxian's not going to like blast him away with magic or anything, so he goes over and rests his hand on his friend's shoulder. ]
Yennefer and I are looking into it, though. We're gonna find a fix because if our overlords won't do shit, it's up to us. I can send you a translated copy of the spell if you wanna read over it all for yourself.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-02 04:37 pm (UTC)From:[Not that he wants to be a zombie...in his memories he is the one controlling the zombies. But things do seem to be coming full circle.]
Mammon should realize that having people completely devoted in that way is boring. It's more fun when people can be creative. But regardless...it doesn't surprise me that Lucifer doesn't care. Why would he?
[He looks up at Tech, glad that he at least seems to know someone who is going to try and get them out of all of this.]
I'm not sure I would understand it much but I guess it wouldn't hurt to know what it is that has a hold over me.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-04 12:38 am (UTC)From:Maybe it'll jog some memory of your superpowers or whatever. Maybe there's something you can do to help out? I don't know. I have ideas where to look. I know what needs looked into. But I don't have a clear solution on how to solve it. That will probably come after I gather enough info, but...if you got any ideas, please. I'm all ears.
[ Tech moves to the desk right in front of Wuxian, leaning against it so they can be face to face. ]
You helped me out of a rough patch at the beginning by helping me get control of my glitch, so I feel like I owe you. Big time. Do you know the other "bride?" What was his name....Mordecai? Is there anything useful he can bring to the table?
no subject
Date: 2022-04-04 01:12 am (UTC)From:[And he isn't exactly interested in trying to recreate the spell and lose even more of his soul. But maybe one of the people from his memories that are here might have some further insight...]
I'm pretty sure my way of helping you was a lot more fun then whatever you will have to do to help me. And Mordecai...you mean my former fake brother? Pretty sure he is unsure how to deal with all of this as I am.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-12 11:22 am (UTC)From:[ He reaches out, planting his hands on either side of Wuxian's head so he can level him with a sincere expression. ]
I just need you thinking about it and if there's anything...anything at all you think will be helpful, you don't hesitate to let me know, alright?
[ Hands fall away and Tech pushes himself off the desk. ]
I'm sure you...probably wanna be alone with this.
[ At least Tech knows he would have wanted to be if he was on the receiving end of such information -- to properly digest, kick and scream...away from prying eyes. But maybe Wuxian's the opposite. Maybe he would prefer the company of someone else. So while Tech makes the motion to leave, he doesn't go quite yet -- letting Wuxian make the call. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-04-13 02:43 am (UTC)From:I think I mostly am read for a drink.
[A drink and if he can find a willing partner...a lot of sex to remind himself that even without half a soul he is still capable of living. He stands up, grateful that he now owns a club that has an ample supply of alcohol at least.]
Being alone is the last thing I need.
cw: casual drug use mention
Date: 2022-04-17 03:08 pm (UTC)From:[ He stops beside the door, flashing a small smile toward Wuxian. ]
And I got a collection of drugs back in my room if that's the route you wanna take. Honestly, it's probably what I'd be doing if I was in your shoes.
[ But Tech doesn't necessarily have healthy coping mechanisms. So. ]
After everything with Hellburbia, I kinda spiraled for a while. Coming down from all of that love and acceptance was hard. Because it's not anything I'd ever known before, so it just made the world seem that much darker. Made worse by Loki porting out soon afterward. He was my dad in that place, but truthfully I kinda looked at him like a dad outside of it, too. Cheers to Hellburbia fucking us both up -- you way worse than me.
Re: cw: casual drug use mention
Date: 2022-04-18 10:03 pm (UTC)From:[He grins as he tries to keep it a little lighthearted. He might as well focus on the good and not the fact he has been lied to, his soul has been taken, and he has even more unhealthy obsessions then he had before.]
Drugs might not ever be the best of plans but...right now I could use the little extra pick me up.
[He stands up and heads to the door. He really would like to get black out drunk, have a lot of sex and prove to himself that even with half a soul he still can function fully. But for now...he'll take the drugs and some company.]
no subject
Date: 2022-04-23 08:25 pm (UTC)From:We could just stay here if you'd rather? Raid your bar and get you out of your head for a while.
[ He had said he could use a drink, so Tech is fine if they just drink. If Wuxian would prefer to drink rather than the intensity a high, it's totally cool. He's there for moral support -- whether that's to join him shot for shot or cut them some lines. ]
You can show me around the club and get up there and sing me a song. It might not be a bachelor party, but fuck, man. We'll have fun like it's one anyway.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-24 01:29 am (UTC)From:[Not that the club is particularly large but he has made sure that it had enough places where people could come and get away from anything Hell-like.]
I'll make you one of my specialty drinks. It was one of the specials back home but with a little added kick.
[Because Wei Wuxian has far too high an alcohol tolerance to settle for just the normal level. He leads Tech towards the bar. If the goal is to feel like his soul and life is still intact then he will do just that, in the place that he built with the friend who has been around far longer then most.]
no subject
Date: 2022-04-25 09:23 am (UTC)From:[ He reaches the bar and drums his hands against the edge. ]
Show me what you got, dude.
[ And while Wuxian makes the drink, Tech takes a moment to look around and appreciate the aesthetic of the club. It's not all pulsing lights and loud music like club Penance, but it's nice in its own way. It suits Wuxian more. ]
I'll definitely have to bring Ava over this way sometime. I can't believe I still never got the chance to introduce you two. I mean, after the whole Hellburbia shit, you probably know what she looks like just from being in the same grade, but you never officially met.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-26 02:06 am (UTC)From:Even if we had met, would we really have met? I mean...it's not like I would be meeting her. I'd just have met the alternate her.
[He pauses in his mixing as he realizes just how complicated all of this is and it causes him to laugh at the absurdity of it all.]
I suppose that is kind of the story of my whole life though...Meeting people from a version of myself that I've only known in dreams. Now i"m meeting versions of people who were part of a false life.
[He continues to mix things. His life is clearly not meant to be easy...]
no subject
Date: 2022-04-29 12:19 pm (UTC)From:[ He teases as he watches Wuxian mix up the drinks. Maybe someday he would be able to relate to Wuxian. Right now, it's only the fake memories -- but there are many lives locked away in his mind, forgotten and out of reach. Past incarnations of what technology had once been. Someday he would know fully who he is. Right now, he can only focus on who he can be in the moment. Wuxian's first and steadiest friend in this place. ]
You'll like her, though. Ava. She's goofy and fun. A bit like you. And here's where it dawns on me that I have a type. At least in terms of lasting relationships. We're still buds all these months later. I've been dating Ava for about six months now. I just met this other guy named Jaskier and he's quickly become one of my closest companions -- also fun-loving so he's probably here for the long haul. Guess there could be worse things to be attracted to.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-30 05:37 am (UTC)From:[He looks a little offended by that but he is only joking as he slides Tech's drink over to him.]
A new closest companion? You better not be trying to replace me. My mouth worked hard to become your best bud.
[So did a few other parts of him since his and Tech's relationship was not always strictly hands off and platonic. Which makes him wonder how many others have started off like that and if that is truly the key to being someone who sticks around Tech.]
no subject
Date: 2022-05-01 07:58 pm (UTC)From:Your mouth isn't the reason you're there, dude. I mean, good as it is...it's not all that's good about you. I like talking to you. We got each others backs. And you absolutely haven't fucked me over. Plus, you gave me that name. Suibian. You're like one of the only people here who gave me something like that -- something with meaning.
[ Because even if the translation for it is basically whatever, it means something to Wuxian. And it gave them a bond -- something just for them. ]
The thing with Jaskier isn't sexual either. He hasn't given me any kind of name, but he is helping me define myself. Because for as much cockiness or arrogance as I have, it's something I've never been able to do on my own -- be who I wanna be.
[ He flashes a quick smile and raises his glass. ]
But enough about me. Who are you banging these days? Anyone interesting?
no subject
Date: 2022-05-01 08:46 pm (UTC)From:I have not had sex in...
[He pauses, as if he is counting back to the last time he did actually get to have a little fun. And he is drawing a very long blank as to who the last person was he slept with. His actual memory has never been the best...probably has a lot to do with how much drinking he does on an every day basis. But still it seems hard to believe he can't remember his own bedmates.]
Well lets just say its a dry spell. Never thought I would go weeks without having sex especially considering where I am but the last few months have been complicated. I guess the most interesting thing I've had happen in the last several months is this place...
[And that realization is going to cause him to take an even longer drink from the concoction he has created.]
no subject
Date: 2022-05-05 11:59 am (UTC)From:Well shit, dude. We gotta try and hook you up with someone. Of course, the gal I wanted to send your way turned out to be your mom in Hellburbia so that gets fucking weird. But I know other people. It's just that some of them are varying degrees of crazy and do you really wanna stick your dick in crazy?
[ He purses his lips in thought. ]
My wife is pretty cool. Hazel. I mean, she's absolutely insane but the good kind. The DTF, makes it wild in bed kind.
no subject
Date: 2022-05-06 01:58 am (UTC)From:[There is a dark kind of irony in the fact that the person Tech wanted to hook him up with became his mother in an alternate life. He definitely didn't need some sort of twisted Oedipus complex. But at least they hadn't hooked up before because then things really would be awkward.]
So wait...I'm a little confused how you have a wife and a girlfriend. Why have I not heard about the wife before? Are you holding out on me?
no subject
Date: 2022-05-11 11:24 am (UTC)From:It's not really any big story. Remember that shit back at Mammon's castle where he was drawing names out of a hat and making people get married? Hazel and I got called. Haven't really done anything about it because she's like my best gal pal and she gets along with Ava really well. But it's basically like we're not married at all with how much we do our own thing.
[ He shrugs, tipping his drink back. ]
But more than that, dude. You might say you don't want my help, but one of us is over here getting consistently laid so that's something to consider.
no subject
Date: 2022-05-12 06:27 am (UTC)From:[He probably could have handled a marriage to another hotel guest much easier then his current predicament.]
Yeah well...I have the slight...devoted and attracted to Mammon thing I'm currently dealing with so I'm not exactly missing it at the moment. And the last thing I want is to go through with any of those crazy desires.
[Again...not his type no matter how much it seems like it whenever he is in the same room as the other man.]
I do find it interesting that you keep wanting to hook me up with women. No eligible bachelors in your circle?
no subject
Date: 2022-05-17 02:42 am (UTC)From:[ Although the way Tech talks about him isn't very favorably. It's a distinct difference from the one time he elatedly told Wuxian about hooking up with Kaiba, even in spite of having cheated on his fiancee at the time with him. ]
But I don't know. I guess I'd like to less see you hooking up and more finding someone who makes you happy. Because in this fucking place? If I didn't have Ava, I think I would have lost my mind a million tortures ago. You at least got some people you trust that you can talk to about all the Mammon bullshit?
no subject
Date: 2022-05-17 02:59 am (UTC)From:Not that anything has happened but it's...I don't know exactly but its a weird connection.
[Not a bad weird but it's like trying to wade through feelings of someone else that are still oddly familiar like he had them himself.]
Just seems pointless to try and be connected to anyone when people are constantly leaving...being redeemed. Whatever they want to call it.
[A lifetime of trust issues and making sure he never made those connections so that he wouldn't be disappointed.]